(no subject)

In the end, despite years of searching, saving the world at least three times, dealing with multiple governments, despots, rogue armies and mad scientists, nothing Jak does brings Daxter back to normal. Daxter does it, all on his own, with a determined act of madness, like he's done everything else in his life since he met Jak. 

He drinks Light Eco. 

Not because he knows it's the cure to being two foot two and furry, but because it's *there*, Jak isn't, and Tess has been making less with the ear scratches and more with the longing sighs in blond Hero's direction. Dax just wants to be out of the way. 

That's not strictly true when he has his head on *mostly* straight, but at the time he drank the Eco he was drunk, lonely, had been a glorified rat-pet for nearly as long as he'd once been an elf and the idea of his best friend and his best *girl* friend getting together was... nice. Pretty, even. The way graveyards are at dusk with flowers on the cared for tombstones. They'd grieve a little while, then have bouncing blond babies with terrifying aim and a penchant for blowing up everything. Maybe Tess would ask Kiera to wear the worlds most hideous bridesmaid dress. Maybe she'd ask *Torn*. 

See, Dax gave up hope of ever seeing himself sans fur about two months after his Dark Eco dip. Oh he never believed *Jak* would give up searching, no, Jak doesn't really *understand* the term 'quit while you're ahead'. But *actually* getting his old body back? Yeah it was his 'old' body. Dax needed to *survive* and that meant... accepting reality. 

Daxter's the one who rolls with the punches. Jak's the one who punches *back*. That's always been their dynamic. 

So. In a fit of drunken suicidal ideology and loneliness, Daxter did the stupidest thing he could think of besides marching up to Damas and punching the lord of the sand wastes in the balls. He found a stash of Light Eco and drank the jar dry. 

Then he screamed. A lot. 

Not that anyone cared, not that anyone *heard* because he'd found it in a storeroom in the palace and everyone was out killing a bunch of *something* he hadn't paid any attention to, because Jak was back in Haven on some kind of errand for Samos that required Dax 'Stay here.' which was *never* a good thing, because people didn't understand that Jak *needed* Daxter, not even Jak sometimes and Dax....

Well. 

See, there was a time before the dynamic duo. There was a time Dax was all alone, in a village of elves that didn't like him, that were quietly *glad* his parents were gone, and some not so quietly awaited the day *he'd* be gone to. One way or another. He was a kid, and while the village wasn't Haven City, it wasn't kind and welcoming either. He'd survived anyway. He'd survived because he was Daxter and Fuck You. THEN came along little Jak, all silent smiles and bad decisions and Dax had found a friend. Someone to talk to, to teach, to look after. Daxter found a reason to survive that wasn't pure spite at the world. 

But the spite was still there. The instincts, the paranoia, the loathing for people who were Not Jak didn't get wiped away just buried a while then dug up, covered in rebar and cement and turned into a foundation for everything *else* Dax during the two years of separation and guilt in Haven City. Daxter survived because this was all His Fault and he had to find Jak and FIX IT. Which he did. Sort of. Jak of course did most of the heavy lifting but Dax carried Jak. That's how it works. Jak carries the world, Dax carries Jak. 

Now though... now they aren't kids anymore. Now they drink booze, flirt with breasts and kill people. Things mostly but people to. Jak is... not okay. He's balanced, Eco wise. He's almost as quiet as when he was a kid, but Daxter isn't the only one who can read him anymore. He's growing into his place in Spargus, he's figuring out what he wants out of a girlfriend and maybe wife... he's the best he's been in years and when Samos said 'don't bring the rat'... he didn't argue. 

Dax bitched on principle but he knew what was what. Jak didn't *need* him on his shoulder anymore. Was probably ready to do the whole growing up and apart thing that had been put on hold by trauma, world ending threats and a mountain of guilt on both sides that equated to an epic dependency complex. 

So Daxter saw his best buddy off, then went and drank anything with a proof over 30 that didn't come with a skull and crossbones warning. Which led him to remembering the last time he got drunk in front of Tess. He loved Tess. He loved her as much as he could love anyone who wasn't Jak. He remembered the way she watched his bestest bud, remembered the way she sighed after him because Jak was gorgeous and tall and strong and *not* a loudmouthed cynical rodent. He remembered telling her to just go and kiss the guy cause he'd never make the first move himself, not after Kiera... 

And remembering all that he'd gone looking for whatever would make him forget the look Tess had given him. The Look. Like he was the cutest, most wonderful thing she wanted to cuddle and never, ever, anything more. 

And if *Tess* couldn't imagine him as anything other than a furry sidekick... 

Light Eco. 

He'd touched it before, soaked it in as waves off Jak when he went all blue and tenta-winged. Shit had never been anything but *cold*, where his Dark Dip had burned to his fucking *marrow*. Cold and useless. So why not drink it? Either it'd kill him, or it'd do shit all and maybe make his bathroom activities interesting. 

So he wasn't actively suicidal, but if it happened he was long overdue.

He's not sure, after, how long he screamed. How long the Light Eco tore through him and rearranged things to its liking. He was never a channeler like Jak. Just a guy. Just a kid. Just someone normal. 

When he manages to find the strength and will to crawl his way back to their room, he knows things have *changed*, but he can't appreciate anything but the opportunity to die in peace, away from the scene of his stupidity. He curls up on the cot he shares with Jak, and passes out, praying to the Precursors Jak won't do anything stupid when he finds Dax's corpse.